


Who We Really Are

by nerdyrose24



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Emotionally Repressed, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyrose24/pseuds/nerdyrose24
Summary: Bucky feels uncomfortable in his new role as the re-invented Winter Soldier, and Steve gets injured on a mission. They both realise some uncomfortable discussions need to be had.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40
Collections: Stucky One Shots





	Who We Really Are

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I had waaayyyy back when I was on the way home from a school trip.  
> Disclaimer: I love short-haired Bucky and am SO excited for the Falcon and the Winter Soldier tv series (whenever it may come out), so no disrespect to Sam either.

Bucky rushed in – ran all the way through the hospital to Steve’s room. It had taken long enough to get there in the first place, in his opinion. He had been on a mission with Sam, at the time. Mission. It was all a big farce, really. Some bigwig had taken over PR for the Falcon and the Winter Soldier after hearing Bucky’s want for his own redemption and for a reinvention of the Winter Soldier. Nobody had said anything, but Bucky had a strong suspicion that the last couple of missions had been staged. Bucky would always come out as the hero, and he didn’t really feel he’d done anything. And the bad guys felt – wrong. I mean, come on, the Green Skull? How is anyone buying that? Except they were, Bucky and Sam were a big hit. No, the Falcon and the Winter Soldier were a big hit. ‘Bucky’ didn’t come into it. And Steve – Steve knew that.

God, he wanted to be mad at Steve. But he couldn’t. He was worried. When he got into the room (at last) he was only more worried. He fell against the doorframe. Look at him, Bucky thought. He had always hated seeing Steve sick or injured. See, the thing was, Steve may have gotten bigger and stronger, but so had the bad guys. Usually, that wasn’t a problem; Steve had always known how to take care of himself on the battlefield. Therefore, it was the fact that this had happened at all that scared the hell out of Bucky. He guessed they both hadn’t been themselves lately. They would have to talk about it when Steve woke up.

Initial rush of panic over, Bucky finally felt the exhaustion he had been fighting back. He settled himself into the armchair next to the bed and took Steve’s hand in his, elbows on the bed, leaning over him. For the first time today, he took some deep, steadying breaths.

***

He woke up to the feeling of a big warm hand on the back of his head, practically on his scalp, since there wasn’t much hair there anymore. It was nice, soothing. Then he realised where he had apparently fallen asleep – with his head on the hospital bed, half his body strewn across Steve’s legs. Most likely, he had woken him up. At least Steve was awake – he loved his not-so-little punk.

“Steve,” he sighed, smiling as he looked up to see his lover’s face. He leaned over; he wanted to hug him properly. Burying his face in Steve’s neck, he laid his body against Steve’s, until he heard him wince and remembered his injuries. “Sorry, did I hurt you?” He started to pull away, but Steve pulled him back and positioned him, so they were sat side by side, Bucky’s legs draped over his, arms still around his neck. “No, you’re okay,” Steve murmured, settling back.

“We gotta stop meeting like this,” Bucky mused after a while. He felt Steve chuckle beside him and shifted to see his eyes closing again.

After a while, Bucky deep in thought, he felt Steve nuzzling the side of his head, reminiscent of how he used to bury his face in his long hair. Right on cue, he whispered: “I miss your hair.”

“Yeah, me too,” he whispered back.

Steve sat up a bit. “I mean don’t get me wrong I love it short too, but, I guess,” he paused, before looking Bucky straight in the eyes and continued. “I guess, I like the Winter Soldier, but I love Bucky more.”

He felt caught. Suddenly Steve’s concerned stare was too much, and he averted his own gaze on instinct. No way did he want to talk about this now. He knew Steve had sensed his unease of late. Loyal punk never said anything, wanted to support him, but there was always this question in his eyes, waiting to be asked. Looking back at him now, that look was gone. Seeing Steve staring up at him, his blue and green eyes looked like they held whole worlds within them. It stirred something in Bucky, who felt some echo of the guy he used to be come back – the real confident one. Tightening his arms around Steve, he donned a smirk and a flirtatious tone: “He loves you too.” Steve beamed and placed a small peck on his cheek.

Right now, Bucky was in the position of power. Steve was injured, and Bucky had a serious question to ask him. “What happened out there today?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “I don’t want to do it anymore, Buck.”

“What?”

“The job. I don’t want it.” He maintained his gaze. Bucky was getting upset. In response to his searching expression of incredulity, he added. “I’m tired, I’m old, and I don’t believe in it anymore.”

Extracting himself from Steve, he manoeuvred back round to the armchair, and sat, bewildered. It was like he expected any other answer than this. Steve doubted he expected any answer; Bucky had been so preoccupied with his own identity crisis lately. Of course, he didn’t blame him. Hell, Steve barely recognised him sometimes, and that was when he saw him at all, and he knew him better than anyone. He did not trust that guy who had taken over PR for one minute. It was obvious he had a thing for Bucky, keeping him late after meetings, signing autographs probably, which Bucky hated. He had tried to make him out to be some all-American hero which he just wasn’t. Sure, he was a hero, but there was a darker side to him too, now, one that Steve had spent years trying to convince him to embrace because it was a big part of who he was. He wasn’t bright blue and red Kevlar, winning smiles and a sharp haircut – neither of them was anymore.

“Steve, I can’t,” was his eventual reply.

“I know,” Steve said softly. “But when you’re ready, we’ll go out together, okay?” He waited until Bucky nodded and then held out his hand saying: “C’mere, jerk.” Bucky took his hand and leaned forward so they could share a deep kiss. Steve put his hand on the back of Becky’s head to pull him closer and the rested it for a moment on Bucky’s smooth cheek. It was as if he only realised then that this was probably the most intimate they had been since Bucky went back to work, because he started getting nervous again. Pulling away, he turned towards the door and said, in the sort of voice he usually saved for the cameras: “Where is this doctor anyway? Is this a hospital room or a waiting room?” He put his hands on his hips and starting to tap his foot impatiently. Sighing, Steve turned his head towards the window looking out to the corridor. _Not your best line, Buck._ He thought sadly. He saw the doctor coming around the corner, hopefully to discharge him, so they could go home, and he could have Bucky to himself for a couple of days.


End file.
